


It's not when you think it but what you think

by turnkeyAssurance



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Comfort, M/M, and EP 99, fjord dies but he gets better, spoilers EP 98
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:42:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23519407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turnkeyAssurance/pseuds/turnkeyAssurance
Summary: The second last thought Fjord has before dying turns out to be the important one.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay/Fjord
Comments: 3
Kudos: 132





	It's not when you think it but what you think

**Author's Note:**

> So it has been a while since I wrote something. Let's see what this gives.

The last thought that went through Fjord's mind before dying was ' _Whoops_ '. The third last thought was a simple ' _Oh shit_ ' when he got hit and fell out of the crow's nest. But in the grand scheme of things neither of those were as important as the second last thought.

He had it somewhere after regaining consciousness. He basked in it for a few hope giving moments. And then the deep scion had to ruin it by coming back.

Then came the sword, then pain and then nothing.

* * *

Except not really.

Fjord hadn't really gotten the meditation process under control yet. Which was frustrating. Caduceus kept reassuring him that it was normal. Meditation was a skill that needed time and practice. An acorn didn't turn into an oak overnight.

_(Fjord hadn't been able to stop the fond look when Caduceus had busted out the plant metaphors. He had teasingly pointed out that the tree they were meditating under had grown in one night. Caduceus had indulgently rolled his eyes and had admitted that magic could make things easier in some cases._

_They had taken a break at that point, which devolved in a picnic on the roof. That had been the first time Fjord had one of Caduceus his moss and mushrooms sandwiches._

_Cradling his tea Caduceus had then kept on telling stories about giant mushrooms that grew in one night, flowers that doubled overnight and that one time when he was really young that an extraordinary aggressive mint patch had taken over a part of the grove. Something that turned into a all hands on deck situation for the entire family. He also told about the scolding he'd gotten when he had tried to see whether he could bless the mint so it could destroy the corruption. There was apparently still a patch somewhere in the savalirwoods roaming around, probably eating small animals._

_Fjord had offered a few stories back over a very stubborn patch of barnacles on his old ship that couldn't be removed and even seemed to actively attack everyone who tried to. But for the most part he had been content to listen to Caduceus and to enjoy his tea._

_Caduceus had looked radiant in the light that floated in the tree and something in Fjord had never felt as at peace and nervous at the same time as he had then._

_It had been a good night.)_

At this particular moment he kind of understood what Caduceus was getting at when he talked about balance and inner peace.

He was floating in the ocean, unhurried and without pain. Considering the full moons dominating the sky above the surface it had to be nighttime.

There was something wrong with the water though. The closer he drifted towards the surface the more viscous it became. As if it didn't want to release it's grasp on Fjord. The moonbeams bore down on him the same way, a heavy but comforting feeling trying to keep him under water.

And then Fjord started hearing the sounds of battle behind him.

Beau screaming his name still echoed in his ears. The raging buzz of Caduceus his spirit guardians. The furious calling of a counterspell. Yasha roaring triumphantly over the sounds of the last dying enemy. Close by he felt all the fury nature could contain. The rage of a mother protecting it's young, the struggle between hunter and prey, of one fighting to protect it's mate. The despair and rage of loss followed by a plea of _'Not like this. His path hasn't been fully walked yet. This is not where and when he will have to cross that final threshold.'_

And wasn't that a thing? To have Caduceus who so firmly believed in the inevitability of the grave bargain for your life.

Curious he turned over to see where the sounds were coming from.

The bottom of the ocean was a graveyard.

Everywhere he looked there were graves; some new, others eroded by the tides and overgrown with kelp and barnacles. Despite being at the bottom of the ocean wildflowers in all colors bloomed between the graves and the coral. Petals drifted lazily in the ocean currents.

The grave Fjord was hovering above was open. He couldn't see the bottom. A pitch black darkness seemed to almost ooze out of the grave, with inky vine-like tendrils reaching towards Fjord.

For a moment he panicked. He swung his arms forward, trying to rocket himself up towards the surface.

The moonlight grew brighter. Fjord felt two clawed hands on his shoulder while a familiar voice whispered in his ear.

_'Don't you dare stay here Fjord. They do still need you there.'_

One of the hands moved to the back of his head and just like once upon a time Molly had shoved him face first in a well Fjord got shoved in the open grave.

The shadowy vines gently wrapped around him. He got the sense that if he really wanted to that he could break free. But the darkness was warm and comforting the same way a shell of kelp had once been. He could hear Caduceus calling him back. He could feel the Wild Mother opening the way back for him if he wanted to take it.

Fjord surrendered to the darkness and walked back.

* * *

The first thought that went through Fjord's mind when coming back to life was ' _Why does breathing hurt? Oh right, sword through my chest._ '. That was followed by relief when the familiar feeling of Caduceus' healing spell coursed through him.

Fjord opened his eyes to see Caduceus, hands shaking but with a relieved look, hovering over him. Jester on one side clutching his hand, Beau on the other. He moved his head trying to see the rest of the mighty nein. In doing so he realized he was laying in Caleb's lap. Veth and Yasha were also clustered nearby.

Despite everything. Despite that he was laying in a pool of his own blood, despite the rain pouring down, despite having been attacked in the last place he expected it, Fjord relaxed.

“Thank you.” It felt insufficient but it was all he had at this moment.

* * *

“Does it still hurt?” whispered Caduceus.

He and Fjord were the only two awake in the bubble.

“No, not really. It's just... it's been a night.”

“Yeah... It wasn't very great.”

Fjord couldn't help the snort that escaped him. Caduceus his lip twitched up for a second before the downward turn of his lips came back. This wouldn't do.

“You healed me after I fell from the crows nest, didn't you?”

“Yes. I saw you laying on the deck, those things standing over you. I couldn't get there so I tried. But it wasn't enough.” Caduceus his ears folded down against his head. He seemed to shrink even more into himself. In the dark Fjord saw one of Caduceus's hands twitch towards him.

Fjord had died tonight. He really wasn't in the mood to deny himself even one thing tonight. He reached out and gently took Caduceus his hand in his.

“You're wrong.”

“Fjord?”

“It was enough,” said Fjord focusing on their hands. He swallowed thickly before he continued. “I recognized your healing. I came back from unconsciousness, everything hurt, those things were still around, but in that moment I was so relieved. The only thing I could think was _'Thank Melora, Caduceus is here. He's got this.'_ And then that fishy fuck had to ruin it by stabbing me.”

Caduceus his fingers tangled almost painfully with Fjord's. Fjord squeezed almost just as hard back, his thumb rubbing soothing circles.

“And you did. You got me back. And don't start that it was a team effort, I know that. You still got me back. You keep saving me. You brought me back to life, you erased the last bit of darkness that sea snake still held over me and... And I- Oh Caduceus. _Caduceus.”_ His voice stuttered and he reached out to clutch Caduceus closer to him.

Being able to see through the dark had it's advantages. Otherwise Fjord would have missed the blush blooming over Caduceus his cheeks. After a moment Caduceus his eyes seemed to almost glitter while he reached out to envelop Fjord in a full-body hug.

Fjord carefully leaned over resting his forehead against Caduceus's. Caduceus gently rubbed their noses together in response.

“You got me,” whispered Fjord.

“Always,” answered Caduceus, their lips barely brushing.

They stayed like that for the rest of the night.


End file.
